Hope is a powerful force for motivation and inspiration. Hope can help us finish writing a book or training for a marathon. Hope can keep us at the bedside of a sick person we love. Hope is a beautiful adjective in many contexts, but when it comes to people, hope without critical awareness can obscure the reality of a relationship. As therapists, we often invite someone to zoom out and see the pattern, rather than focusing on the momentary potential of who that person is. could or may be had become.
When it comes to personal relationships, hope is often masqueraded as recurring attachment patterns. For example, you might have tried narcissistic abuse As a kid, or had an unavailable supervisor, and I hope someone will change and finally give us the love we want feels familiar and inviting. The feeling of longing or deprivation may also be familiar, and so are we hopefull That if we were good enough, talented enough, thin enough, smart enough, attractive enough, that we would eventually get the attention we crave from that person.
Without realizing it, you are intoxicated by the imagination of who you hope will become this person. But every time you’re in a projection movie, you’re left out of reality.