September 20, 2022 – On Monday nights, as millions of viewers marvel at the whirlwind romantic From “bachelor” couples and their extravagant dates, sparkly dresses, and fitted suits, a mental health expert will take notes on the relationship behavior of the contestants.
Diane Strachowski, EdD, licensed cognitive behavioral psychologist and couples therapist, uses the media psychology To share dating and relationship snippets from “The Bachelor” episodes through Instagram a program.
Fans of the franchise — also known as “bachelor nation” — invest in “bachelor” couples’ relationship trips, which can offer valuable opportunities for self-reflection, according to Strachowski.
“I use the show as a catalyst to start conversations about ‘What’s a good pairing?’ What is a good relationship? What are good selections for what makes a relationship viable? “
Even after two decades, the undergraduate program” The franchise gets at least 3 million viewers in any given episode. This summer, fans are interacting with two bachelors – Gabe Wendy and Rachel Reccia – in one season for the first time ever.
The success rate of franchise couples is about 30% – from 75 couples “bachelor”, 24 They are still together. The emotional and physiological effects of the competition element of the show can play a major role in successful and unsuccessful matchmaking.
“that it cortisol and endorphins and dopamine and serotonin. “It’s all those neurotransmitters, chemicals that we see in all relationships when we fall in love,” says Strachowski, who lives in Menlo Park, California, in the Bay Area. However, the show amplifies these effects against “real life,” where couples often move at a slower pace.
“The dates themselves are full of adrenaline: bungee jumping, helicopter rides. All these experiences tie couples together because your heart is racing and because that sounds like excitement, it feels like love.”
“The Bachelor” stars often vow to “follow their hearts” in making their decisions. But it’s more complicated than that, Strachowski says.
“It should be a solid decision, heart, and intuition, not just who you are attracted to,” Strachowski says. “That’s why we see some of these couples breaking up. They haven’t had enough time to go through a deep decision-making process.”
Boosting the Success Rate of ‘Bachelor’ Couples
It’s critical for Bachelor contestants to understand the difference between chemistry and compatibility, says Kelly Carver, a marriage and family therapist and owner of The Honored Place Therapy in Kansas.
“They feel the same when you’re in the early stages. The chemistry feels like this person fulfills all my needs and is perfect for me. The chemistry can also be when you get out of that honeymoon phase, the mystery, right? The dynamics that I came from and the system that I came from,” says Carver. your family or from previous generations.
Compatibility is something much deeper, says Noreen Duprest, owner of Simply Be Marriage and Family Psychotherapy in Kansas. True compatibility allows each partner to be secure in who they are, so focusing on similarities can also be a dating predicament.
Sometimes, the differences can actually work in the couple’s favor. Therapists provide an example Attachment styles, or how someone establishes emotional bonds with others. While there are four styles, they highlight anxious attachment versus avoidant attachment.
avoidance attachment: A person appears confident, yet struggles to show or accept feelings
clinging to anxiety: a person is more emotionally needy, afraid that others will not want to be with them.
An anxious attachment is ‘I’m not enough or will they see me?’ “They usually look for someone who has an avoidant attachment, and they get along very well. This avoidant attachment is so fearful of abandonment that this anxious attachment can be salvaged,” says Dupriest.
The Bachelor stars think about true love after the show
The stars of the “Bachelor” franchise also shared their experiences in exclusive interviews with WebMD. Season 20 The Bachelor’s Ben Higgins said compatibility questions came post-show, and he quickly realized what he really needed in a partner.
“It changed for me as I wanted to have someone who had a heart for people, real, who cared. Someone who would stand by the people who feel the least, no matter what. I knew if they felt that way about others, they would feel that way about me. ,” he says.
Ashley Iaconetti-Haybon, host of “Almost Famous .” audio notationAlong with Higgins, the romantic sparks in her relationship with fellow Bachelor in Paradise co-host-turned-husband Jared Haybon came after they got to know each other a little better.
“I think a lot of people think chemistry is something you feel right away. In my relationship with my husband on Bachelor in Heaven, it was fun because I knew there was a compatibility,” says Iaconetti-Haibon, who also owns Audrey’s Coffee House and Lounge in Rhode Island, “But my nerves got in the way of chemistry.
Presenting after-life can become a challenge, and often couples need more time before saying “I do,” says Higgins.
“I think it’s from [the show] A great way to meet someone who could become your partner. I don’t know anyone who immediately walks off the show—even if they’re very confident at that moment that this is the one for them—and say “Hey, let’s get married next week,” says Higgins, author From Alone in plain sight: the search for Contact When you watch but you are unknown.
Things have changed drastically since the franchise began, and The Bachelor stars often gain social media followings from the show. While this can raise eyebrows about a person’s motivations for progression, Season 6 of The Bachelor Ali Fedotosky Manu says the answer isn’t black and white — and it doesn’t have to be.
“At the end of the day, if someone is on the show and they don’t really like you, you will be able to smell it. If someone is on the show for fame and they really fall in love with you, you will feel it too,” she says.
The fact that there have been a number of successful couples in the “Bachelor” franchise is noteworthy in and of itself, according to Fedotowsky-Manno, who is also co-owner of 1to3 Life. wetting Accelerator, Low Calorie Electrolyte drink mix.
“If you look at the statistics a little differently and think, of all the men you’ve met in your life, that you’ve met randomly in a bar, how many have you finished dating and are you engaged to?” Says.
Higgins says that although his “Bachelor” journey didn’t end with true love, his experience eventually led him to his wife, Jessica.
“How I found my wife, after the show, she looks at, well, that’s what I thought during the show when I had 30 people to get to know and work together to see if we could work. That’s what I looked for then. That didn’t work for me. What Can I look for him now? And I found him.”
Be yourself without apology
Strachowski says that being authentic and presenting the most honest version of yourself can save “bachelor” relationships and “realistic” couples from turmoil in the future.
“If I pretend to be the adorable chick who doesn’t need anything, I will eventually blind my partner. I can only keep this ‘pretend me’ so long. Ask what you want and need. No apologies.”