Recently, I wrote in Instagram About how you lose when you compare yourself to others. I quoted Theodore Roosevelt who said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I consider this to be true, but that doesn’t mean I don’t fall into the trap of comparison Myself to others. Comparison is a natural human instinct, but that does not mean that it is an instinct Always useful to us. So, let’s talk about comparing ourselves to others, how that leads to unhappiness, and how we can stop doing it.
Comparing yourself to others is normal
Humans are pattern seeing machines. This makes sense from a biological perspective. We can’t account for every piece of information in our environments one by one, so when a pattern is present, we can predict the other elements in the pattern, generalize, and memorize brain cycles. This is why brain games often rely on seeing patterns.
Humans classify machines. This is also biological. We put things into categories to see patterns more successfully and to save brain cycles. (Once we learn one thing about a category, we can generalize it to everything in the category.) But in order to see patterns, we have to look at the environment and categorize what we see. This means comparing things in our environment. Is there something similar to the other? Can we put these things in the same category?
In short, comparing yourself to others is just a function of biology. The fact that you do it (the fact that I do it) is completely normal.
I compare myself to others, and I lose
Allow me to quote my own Instagram post:
Last night I was out. Like, going out, outside – in the world, in the evenings, and all. And there were people around me, of course, among whom was a beloved friend. And I couldn’t stop comparing myself, even my friendWho do I love and who loves me. And of course, I was always shorter. I can clearly see all the ugliness inside of me. I can see how I’m not facing anyone else.
Talk about a joy thief. It’s hard to enjoy anything when all you can think about is how immeasurable it is. your own mistakes. your own ugliness.
And this wasn’t just a one-night event. I found myself comparing myself to others over and over again, every time I left the house. Part of it is existence I gained weight. I wasn’t skinny before, by no means, but after I gained more weight, I became very aware of my appearance and how much nicer others look. I feel like my fat, ugly self shouldn’t be in the world with all the normal, beautiful people.
I realize that this thinking is not helpful, nor is it accurate. I know that too Depression affects him greatly. it’s a depression Whisper to me hateful negative lies. But this insight does not prevent it from happening.
You need to stop comparing yourself to others
Again, let me quote my Instagram post:
But life is not a giant comparison. There will always be people smarter than you, more beautiful than you, more successful than you, and so on. That’s not what life is about, or certainly, a night out. It’s about getting out of your head and getting over yourself for a minute.
Remember, no one is nearly as interested in this comparison as you are. Others don’t judge you that way, you are on your own.
People don’t judge us as harshly as we do. In fact, many people look at us and think that they not measure up. They put us in a category they can’t fit into. We’re trapped in shit, wrapped up in their case. This is also normal.
But for the sake of joy, for the sake of peace, for the sake of contentment, we have to learn to stop these unhealthy comparisons. Because while comparing elements in our environment is normal and even helpful, doing so is self-centered in a way that we only find our own flaws and think everyone else is above us in some way, is not helpful.
As I mentioned in the post, there are a lot of things outside of us that will try to bring us down. We cannot control them and they may be harmful. Let’s not add to this damage our thought patterns, something we are Can actual effect.
How to stop comparing yourself to others
There are many ways to reduce the natural impulse to want to compare yourself to others. I, of course, suggest self-talk techniques to deal with it. Try something like this:
- Forgive yourself for being normal. Like I said, comparisons are natural, biological, and useful patterns. They just become uncooperative because of us. Forgive yourself for this natural instinct – it makes you like everyone else.
- Thank your mind for trying to help. You may want to thank your brain for actively searching for comparisons. Sure, it’s an exaggeration and unhelpful negative overtones, but the comparisons really are attempt to help you, but to no avail. We should be grateful that our brains are trying to do their job even if it’s not perfect.
- Look for mental comparisons. Pay attention to your thoughts And be careful when you make comparisons with others. You cannot address this thought pattern unless you can identify when it occurred.
- Stop thinking. If you can, stop the comparison ASAP. It’s not helpful, and continuing to think won’t help you. Say, “Stop!” out loud if you need to.
- Use mercy. Give yourself a mental hug and tell yourself, “I understand that I’m comparing myself to others. That’s normal and okay. But I know I don’t deserve negative comparisons.” Remind yourself that different is not better.
- Thought switch. Start by thinking of something safe. Focus on this thought. You can make a list of safe-thinking topics before you need them. (Another option is to use a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise.)
- Repeat as needed.
Remember that Practice this coping technique In times of low stress at first.
And to avoid getting into a thought loop of comparison at all, try working on being Present carefully. The reason we are so busy with comparisons is that we are not present at the moment. If you are focused on the moment, your mind is busy making these harmful comparisons.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Another last quote:
Don’t let this psychological tendency steal your joy. . . Embrace yourself – accept yourself. Embrace what’s going on around you. Be really present. Feel the joy of the moment.
And remember, you are not less than that, you are just different. This is what makes you amazing.