In a recent Facebook Live session, Anne, one of my regular posts, asked the group to support her in dropping her group of drafting groups.
“Character?” I asked for clarification.
“No, my set of kits. For crafts. Unopened. I have dozens of them. Including the unmade sock monkey set on the table.”
I asked her what feelings she had when she thought about getting rid of her. She said, “I just feel like a failure! My mom was cunning, all my sisters are cunning, my nieces are cunning, and I live alone and can’t even make a sock monkey!”
The industry was clearly intertwined with her idea of what it means to be a successful woman. Then I asked her, “Do you want to make a sock monkey?”
“No,” she said hesitantly.
I said “Ann”, what else are you doing Give yourself a sense of self-confidence? “
“Well… I – I mean, currently I’m working on the border detention case. I’m a lawyer, but our role now includes ensuring that these kids are treated humanely so we can get them out. I do everything from submitting briefs to diaper fundraising.”
There was a moment of silence and we all addressed this. “yes!” I said. “I give you permission to stop buying crafting kits to make you feel accomplished. And the next time you’re tempted to buy one, I want you to say, ‘I don’t need to do this craft to feel good about myself.'” Work I do is so important, and at the end of the work day, I deserve a recovery period that replenishes my muscles and relaxes me. Not so.
I felt very comfortable.
Since our session, she has Donate to groups On a local after-school program, she hasn’t been to Michaels in over a year, and she’s moved on with her amazing life. By releasing the need to compare herself to her family and instead learning to celebrate in all the ways she deems valuable, she has been able to tackle the hole she’s been filling with hand tool kits.